****K WORLD TV BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE****
K World TV has obtained yet another job interview transcript. For the safety of others, some of the names in this transcript have been “slightly” altered. I cannot confirm or deny the names listed are real or not. Any profane language used has also been altered and is certified snowflake proof......we think.
Do I have you on the edge of your seat? Probably not but it is what it is so let’s get this spit started. This transcript is a pretend real life interview from someone named “Capt P” who recently applied for a job at a company called “KnobGobblers”
Interviewer: “So, tell me a little bit about yourself.”
Capt P: “Hi, I’m Capt P. I’m 44, single, have 3 cats named after cities in Vermont. I also have a college degree in French-Canadian art studies. I drive a 2001 Volvo Stationwagon. In my spare time, I enjoy collecting spoons and playing trivial pursuit.”
Interviewer: “So, Capt P, how did you become a Captain?”
Capt P: “Well, I’m not a real captain but the name was given to me in college. It was a dark and stormy night, I was with several guys drinking Zima and then next thing I know, I woke up face first in a strangers bed. When I got up out of bed, I was wearing lipstick and a sailor hat and I also had a strange limp. The 8 guys that were there laughed and called me Capt so the name stuck.”
Interviewer: “Your resume says you currently work for a company named ZinnoGames. What is your job title there?”
Capt P: “I’m known as Community Manager”
Interviewer: “So what community do you actually manage?”
Capt P: “I manage a make believe community that doesn’t exist in real life”
Interviewer: “So what’s been your greatest accomplishment as a community manager?”
Capt P: “My greatest accomplishment happened fairly recently. I received a tip from a disgruntled person with the player name of “LuxIzzaScunt.” This person opened my eyes to a cheating scandal not seen since the celebrity college cheating scandal of 2019.”
Interviewer: “Oh wow. Tell me more.”
Capt P: “In order to expose the cheaters, I had to create a very detailed sting operation. I set up 12 monitors and I began to watch......and watch......and watch........and watch.....after 8 straight days of staring at computer monitors, I had the evidence I needed so i personally kicked players from this make believe Gaming world who were cheating.”
Interviewer: “Sounds impressive. What was the end result?”
Capt P: “Well, ZinnoGames month over month revenue is down 50%, player usage has dropped off by 25% since I took over the CM position. Not to mention I have 4 pending lawsuits against me. To make matters worse, the company recently announced layoffs which is why I’m interviewing for a new job.”
Interviewer: “We have an open position as a fluffer. Would you be willing to accept?”
Capt P: “WHEN CAN I START!?”